Bananas: The hype could be tastier

It’s Drag night at Bananas. With a few songs here and a few dollars there, my eyes were not distracted by the queens in all their glory. My eyes, however, had met their destination- the menu. And if the costumes hadn’t given me a clue, a quick glance over the options told me that this place was no ordinary diner.

Firstly, you should know that I’ve waited for a while to review this place. Unfortunately, there has been a lot of dramatics (apparent inconsistency of food, service, and customer relations) associated with this restaurant when none were necessary to begin with. So I decided to wait for more than a few months to pass and let things congeal into what they are supposed to be by now.

I carefully ordered the following items and for the following reasons:
1) Beer Battered Onion Rings ($3.99): This appetizer has gained popular status.
2) The Funk Monkey Burger ($9.95): For paying homage to Funky Monkey Wine Company (a sister restaurant) that’s right down the road
3) The Buffalo Chicken Sandwich ($9.90): Because the same batter for the onion rings was going to be coated over the chicken breast. I liked where this was going…
4) Phone Home ($6.99): Wha… a handspun milkshake that’s got part of my blog name? Gotta try it.

The Onion Rings were all they were promised to be- amazing. A tad on the oily side, these rings had a flake-factor that some restaurants would vie for. It’s a recipe worth safe-keeping in a vault. Word is that the beer the use for the rings is Pabst Blue Ribbon! Imagine that.

The continuation of the special fry batter was evident in the Buffalo Chicken Burger. In ordinary circumstances, the chicken breast would have been tossed in buffalo sauce after receiving its crunch coat, but we opted to skip it in order to preserve its crisp couture as much as possible. It was quite good decision and the product lived up to its expectation. I recommend it.

The Funky Monkey Burger was a lesson in unsuccessful execution. All the main ingredients (Angus Beef, Fried Goat Cheese, Tomato Jam, Panko, and Almonds) made sense, but the way they came together was a disappointment. There were two main flaws- the goat cheese was PACKED on with panko. Being a drier tasting cheese, the panko only took it to the extreme. The other problem was the portion size of the tomato jam- a lot more of it would have given this burger the depth it really deserved. These two proved to make the Burger lack juiciness. Additionally, I was asked while ordering how I would’ve liked my beef cooked and I had requested medium. When it arrived, the burger was well done which only made the entrée drier.

The burger comes with your choice of a side- chips, fries, coleslaw, or macaroni salad. Opting for the macaroni salad proved to be the mistake- it was the deadest thing on my tongue. Tremendously bland, I had to jump-start it with quite a few shakes of salt and pepper before it even attained a weak pulse.

These technical errors made me question some previous reviewers- notably Scott Joseph’s. Perhaps being a prominent figure in the Gay community, he was recognized prior to his dining experiences. When identity is known, it is my inference that the probability of a skewed review is high. I, personally, would have written a delightful review of the food if I had experienced the same.

Onto better news, our server spun me up a delicious milkshake made with Vanilla and Chocolate Ice Cream, crushed Reeses Cups, and Yoo-hoo. Utterly sweet and topped with an ultra-generous serving of whipped cream, it was so delicious and so filling. I took what I couldn’t finish home and it held up perfectly in the fridge until the next day. It also happened to be the clincher of the entire experience: think about it- if a drag queen (‘Miss Addison Taylor’) can fix up a shake this good, Bananas definitely serves up a twist (hence, ‘modern’) on an American diner.

IN A NUTSHELL: Go for the onion rings. If you’re a night owl, you’ll appreciate that they are open 24hrs on Friday and Saturday. Your dining experience on those late nights will be paired with a drag queen server who may consider to indulge you in a bombastic lip-sync number. And if you’re coming from the clubs, please don’t take it upon yourself to impress your friends with a ‘Hot Wing Challenge.’ INTENSE is probably a timid suggestion on how inexplicably spicy this sauce is. Delicious, but alarmingly provocative. Not only do you have to sign a medical release form, but you will be suffering the consequences the next morning at the Oval Office (*wink*). And if you’re going for show and a place to see-and-be-seen rather than just a bite to snack on, Bananas definitely meets the expectation. I, however, came for the food and it is my hope that it only gets perfected as this restaurant continues to evolve.